5 Benefits Of Sharing Honest Feedback In Therapy – Even If It Feels Awkward

Sharing direct and honest feedback with others can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Whether it’s with a perfect stranger, a close friend, or an employee, sharing your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly can be tricky. Add a challenging or emotionally charged topic to the mix and it can feel especially difficult to open up and share feedback. 

Why It’s So Hard To Share Honest Feedback

Sharing honest feedback can be hard for a number of reasons:

• You fear the other person will dismiss the feedback
• You fear they will disagree with the feedback 
• You think “nothing will change, so why bother?”
• Perhaps you aren’t that close to the person and don’t know how they will react to the feedback; you just don’t feel safe
• Maybe you feel that it’s none of your business
• You don’t care enough to dedicate your energy to this
• You are very close and it feels scary to take a risk that could jeopardize that level of closeness
• There is a power dynamic that makes it feel harder to be fully transparent (for example, with a boss and employee)
• They didn’t ask for feedback in the first place, so there’s a chance that they will get angry or feel insulted

All of these thoughts and feelings are perfectly understandable. However, when it comes to sharing feedback with your therapist, we want to encourage and empower you to be open and honest. In the end, you will benefit greatly from a stronger, more authentic therapeutic relationship. 

Missing Out By Not Sharing Feedback

For example, let’s say you begin with a new counselor and the first few sessions are feeling good. You feel supported and understood – and are working toward a shared goal. As your relationship progresses, you notice that the therapist says some things that irritate you, but you let them go because the therapist has already helped so much and you don’t think it is a nice thing to say. This may surprise you, but it’s quite likely that the counselor has no idea that they are irritating you. They would also appreciate knowing that so they can prevent it from happening again. Even more importantly, you may be missing an opportunity to work on a key issue that is bubbling under the surface and shows up in other areas of your life.

Why It Helps To Share Feedback With Your Therapist

1. Your therapist can get a deeper understanding of you.As with any close relationship, authenticity is really important. In order to help you, your therapist wants to know you and understand you. This includes likes, dislikes, past experiences, fears, hopes, dreams, values, and goals for the future. It can also include how you feel about them at different times.Being able to provide feedback to your therapist will provide them with a better understanding of how they are impacting you. You may also begin to be aware that your reaction to the counselor is a common one for you in your close relationships.
2. You can become more open in other relationships.Therapy can be a safe testing ground to try out new relationship behaviors. By taking risks in a safe space, you can practice new ways of connecting with others without worrying about long-term consequences or judgment. 
3. It can lead to more conflict resolution.Navigating conflicts successfully not only increases trust and satisfaction in the therapy relationship, but it can increase trust in yourself that you can resolve similar conflicts outside of therapy. 
4. There are so many benefits to having corrective emotional experiences.You might fear that the feedback will not be well-received because of past negative experiences. This can be an opportunity to have a different experience; one where your concerns and frustrations are validated and relational trust is repaired. Such a repair can have a profound effect on relationships outside of therapy – and is something we often see as a result of feedback shared and processed in group therapy. 
5. Your therapist can handle it.While you might fear hurting the therapist’s feelings, your therapist is trained to sit with a wide range of client experiences. If you have a therapist who doesn’t seem to be able to handle it, you may consider working with someone else who may be a better fit. 

What Honest Feedback Looks Like In A Therapy Session 

Some examples of honest feedback in a therapy session are:

• “What I like most about our sessions is ________. What I like least about our sessions is ______.”
• “I really don’t like what you just said. It made me feel _________.” 
• “When you asked me that question (or made that observation), it made me think of __________.”
• “I really benefited from that exercise that we did the other day. Can we do more of that?” 
• “I’m not sure that you really get me because _________.”
• “I am getting so much out of this experience. Thank you so much for being so helpful.”
• “I’m thinking of taking a break from therapy. Can we talk about it?” 

Our friends at Laurel Therapy Collective offer some excellent insight into what to do when therapy doesn’t feel right.

Remember, We’ve Been There Too

Most reputable therapists are also therapy clients. We know how much time and energy is required in the therapy process both as a therapist and a client. Why not make it as impactful as possible by opening up about your experience of therapy? Strong relationships require honesty, mutual respect and openness. The therapeutic relationship is no different. 

We hope this inspires you to share more freely to your therapist. As always, feel free to reach out if you or someone you know is seeking some mental health support. Let us help or to point you in the right direction. Give us a call at (615) 582-2882 or send us an email toclientcare@nashvillepsych.com.