6 Tips To Survive Holiday Anxiety
“If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family” – Ram Dass.
Oh yes…the holidays. It’s a time to take a break from work and/or school and go spend time with family. Whereas some may think that they have the perfect family and anticipate no problems, others may be a little anxious about reuniting with family over the holidays. You may even secretly dread it. Whether you are looking forward to spending time with them, fearing it or a combination of the two, here are a few things that you might want to consider in order to approach the situation effectively.
Use the opportunity to learn.
You might interpret Ram Dass’s quote above about enlightenment to mean that visiting with parents can cause even the most enlightened person to regress. However, while at times it may be difficult, you can learn something new about yourself each time that you interact with your parents. If you’ve ever wondered why you behave in a certain way, you only have to look to how your parents behave or how they interact with you to gain understanding. Use the holidays as a chance to grow in self-awareness.
Don’t expect change.
Expect that your family will be the same as they always have. If your mother has the tendency to interfere or invalidate you, your father is frequently disengaged and your sister gets drunk and says obnoxious things, you can anticipate that they will be that way when you visit. You can hope that maybe things will be different, but if so, be open and accepting of your own disappointment. Identifying and accepting disappointment will go along way to bringing you peace.
Accept your role.
Understanding your role within the family system can be helpful in navigating your interactions. Every person has a role within their family, for example, the hero, the clown, the mediator or the protector. While you may have escaped such a role in your life outside the family, you will find yourself right back in there when you visit, being pulled to react in familiar but possibly unhealthy ways. Being aware of that is the first step in learning to accept it.
Be different.
It only takes one person to change a family system. Even though everyone may treat you in familiar ways, you do not have to respond in the same way. For example, if one of your family members is a constant complainer, you may consider reflecting their feelings instead of giving the usual advice you think they are pulling for. If you are someone who feels you have to carry the conversation, you might consider sitting back and letting other family members take responsibility. If you are the one who typically resolves conflicts, try to be present and also let your family resolve them on their own.
Take frequent breaks and keep busy.
Keep in mind that it has been years since you lived with your parents on a full time basis. Under normal circumstances, when you are on a phone call or Zooming, your interactions are mostly brief, quick updates about what is going on in your life. Those kinds of updates might take 10 minutes and then what? Pace yourself. Go out for a walk. Read for a little while. Volunteer to run to the store for some last minute items. Maybe there’s someone to pick up at the airport?
Take time to get centered.
If emotions begin to run high, take time to do some breathing and remind yourself that the emotions you’re feeling are ok, normal to experience and that they are temporary.
I hope that some of these ideas help you get through the holiday season. If you anticipate that you might need extra preparation for the holidays, feel free to contact us at clientcare@nashvillepsych.com or 615-582-2882 to schedule an appointment for therapy. Thanks for reading.
Take good care,
Dan
