Self-esteem is an essential part of  how we view ourselves, the decisions we make, and our perceived ability to achieve goals. It impacts both the relationships we have with others and with ourselves – and is an important factor impacting mental health.

What Is Self Esteem?

Self-esteem can be defined as how we value ourselves. While it can feel fixed, the truth is that self-esteem is flexible and ever-changing. Almost all humans will experience shifts in self-esteem over their lifespan. For example, a child who was teased can have low self esteem and later, with the help of some therapy or self reflection, develop a stronger sense of self-worth in adulthood. Often, self-esteem can feel subconscious or automatic. When we bring awareness to it, we start to have insight on how we truly view and value ourselves. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the origins of low self-esteem and create building blocks to shift one’s own self-concept in a positive direction. Outside of the therapy office, there are a handful of tools anyone can utilize to increase self-esteem.

Here are five powerful strategies to build self-esteem:

Alignment with Values

Humans develop core values over time – both from internal and external forces. Values help us determine our priorities, clarify what we deem most important in life, and guide us towards our goals. When we are misaligned with our values, we may feel lost or disappointed by ourselves. An example of this is someone who values honesty but finds themselves being dishonest in their relationship. It can lead to feelings of shame, discomfort, and low self-esteem. By living our lives in accordance with the values we hold, it influences our sense of self and a confidence in the decisions we make – which subsequently has a positive impact on self-esteem. In the case of the partner who is being dishonest, looking inward and determining why they aren’t being honest in their relationship is the first step towards living according to their values. Perhaps their partner expects too much emotional support and they are coping by lying instead of asking for what they need from their partner. Regardless of the reason, becoming aware of the “why,” is the first step to making a change.

Inspired Action: Write a list of your top five values. Reflect and answer the following questions: am I living in accordance with these values? Is there room in my life to spend more time focusing on some values I have been neglecting? How do I feel about myself when I am living in accordance with my values? How do I feel when I am not?

Practice Self-Compassion To Grow Self-Esteem

Self-compassion is the act of showing kindness and understanding towards oneself. This means meeting ourselves with the same gentle love and care we would extend to our dearest friends. Self-compassion is important to practice in moments of difficulty, failure, or criticism. Practicing self-compassion means allowing ourselves to make mistakes, identifying our own humanity, and being warm and understanding towards ourselves. As we introduce an internal narrative based in self-compassion, we meet ourselves exactly where we are rather than with harsh criticism or expectations of perfection.

Inspired Action: The next time you notice a critical internal narrative, take a moment to pause. How would you respond to your dearest friend in this situation? How does it feel to extend the same compassion towards yourself? If you want to take it a step further, try out some of these guided self-compassion meditations. All of this may seem foreign at first, but with some practice, it will come more naturally to you.

Start Small

Setting goals – and believing we can achieve them – is paramount to increasing self-esteem. When we think about setting goals, we often start big – running a marathon, buying a home, getting straight As in school. Sometimes, life gets in the way, and the goal doesn’t get achieved in the expected timeline – or, at all. This is especially challenging for those with ADHD or executive functioning challenges. These experiences can unfortunately take a toll on our self-esteem. By breaking goals down into small, tangible steps, they will feel easier to manage and maintain motivation. At each small step, achievements should be celebrated. Achieving (and celebrating) each step along the way – no matter the timeline – allows us to enjoy the process rather than focus solely on the outcome.

Inspired Action: Think of a goal you have been hoping to work towards. Break your goal into small, tangible steps. Along the way, stop and reflect on how it feels to achieve each piece of the larger goal. Celebrate the small wins along the way.

Engage in Self-Care

Self-care is unique to each individual and can take many forms. Moving our body, practicing mindfulness, engaging in a hobby, and spending time outdoors are examples of how we can practice self-care. For some, self care can also mean spending time with trusted friends, while others may prefer to be alone and recharge. Truly prioritizing taking care of oneself plays an important role in building and maintaining self-esteem. Meeting one’s own needs and focusing on emotional and physical well-being is a sign that we value ourselves. By taking responsibility for our own wellness, there is an increase in confidence and self-efficacy.

Inspired Action: Create a weeklong self-care plan. Carve out specific time for emotional, physical, and social well-being. By actively blocking time off on your calendar for these priorities, there is a higher chance of holding yourself accountable. At the end of the week, reflect on these questions: How did it feel to prioritize self-care this week? Which forms of self-care feel nonnegotiable in my life? How did this experience influence how I view myself?

Lean into Risk

Low self-esteem can create conditions leading to  a fear of failure and aversion to risk. When we begin to take risks – while acknowledging the fear and discomfort along the way – our confidence starts to build. Regardless of the outcome, moving through the discomfort of risk creates evidence that it can be done. This not only builds self-esteem, but also trust in oneself. “Risk” can feel like a scary word, but in this context, risk can mean many things. Risk can be within relationships, such as being vulnerable, setting boundaries with others, or engaging in healthy conflict. It also can be tangible actions, like trying a new activity or traveling to a new destination. Each time we engage with risk, it increases our capacity to navigate challenges and provides building blocks for self-esteem.

Inspired Action: Think about the last time you took a risk, large or small. Regardless of the outcome, how did it feel to lean into the risk itself? How did it impact trust in yourself and your ability to navigate discomfort or fear? Create a mantra for risk moving forward; write it down and leave it somewhere you will see it often.

Employing these five strategies can lay the foundation to embark on a path of building self-esteem and understanding.. This process requires patience, self-compassion, and reflection. Be gentle with yourself along the way. Moving towards a healthy self-esteem will impact many life domains, including relationships, health, and work. It can increase willingness to face challenges, lean into vulnerability, and pursue new relationships. If we can support you in the process of building self-esteem, please feel free to reach out at clientcare@nashvillepsych.com or (615) 582-2882.

–Caty Pooley, LPC-MHSP (t)