5 Questions To Ask Before Making New Year’s Resolutions
New Year’s often means a clean slate. We all get to start all over again. One of the big traditions of New Year’s is to make resolutions, to commit to make positive changes in the next year. I’ve heard some people complain that they make resolutions every year and they never seem to stick. This seems frustrating and defeating. I want to provide a little insight in this post for those who would like to truly live up to the resolutions that they make.
Making changes is hard. When people write down their resolutions, it is usually in list format, but making a change is not something that you can simply check off of a list. What a list fails to take into account is that change is a process that includes planning, goal-setting, preparing, taking action and evaluating the results.
As a therapist, the first word that I associate with change (besides discomfort) is readiness. When a person first comes to my office, it is likely that they are in distress. They may be adjusting to a transition or suffering from a mental disorder. Either way, what they are ready for when they seek help is to eliminate their distress. As we begin discussing their issues, they start to recognize that there may also be something in the patterns of their thoughts, feelings or behaviors that they could change. You may have heard that therapy can cause more distress before significant improvement takes place. That’s not always the case, but sometimes it does happen and it’s because change isn’t always easy.
Change is not something that you can just check off a list
While it may be nice to see a whole list of ways that you will improve your life in the next year, it can be overwhelming when you begin to try to make changes or consider even one major change in depth. What inevitably surfaces is conflict between unpleasant feelings and the desire to change. Consider a person who has a resolution to drink less alcohol. That person may only drink socially or on the weekend, but the first time the individual goes out to a social function, they may experience the event differently. For example, they might feel anxious, frustrated or bored. They start to consider whether they should have a drink and recall their resolution about drinking less. They may ultimately decide to drink and experience relief from their unpleasant emotions, but guilt emerges in their place. Once guilt, even if subtle, emerges in the emotional repertoire, it is most likely there to stay with regard to a particular behavior. Then, under the scenario above, each time the individual uses alcohol, they experience the pleasure and relief from drinking, but also a twinge of guilt for going against their commitments. Perhaps they also experience shame along with a thought that maybe they are not strong enough to drink less.
You could replace drinking with any kind of resolution, meeting more people, losing weight, reading more, being more productive at work, being more patient with family, and on and on. Each time you desire to make a change, it inevitably involves facing unpleasant emotions. Therefore, in thinking about your resolutions, I suggest that you might consider the following questions:
5 Questions To Ask Before Creating A New Years Resolution
- How ready am I to make this particular change?
- What steps will making this particular change involve?
- What are the costs and benefits of making this change?
- What would my life be like if I were to make this change?
- What potential barriers will I have to making this change and how can I build in support to overcome these barriers? This may include therapy, helpful friends, strategic approaches to predictable situations, etc.)
If you are in the Nashville area (We are in Hillsboro Village, but very close to 440, Green Hills, Belmont, Vanderbilt, Lipscomb, 12 South, etc.) and have particular changes that you would like to make, and you would like extra support, we are available to assist you. Please feel free to contact us at 615-582-2882 or clientcare@nashvillepsych.com.
Thanks for reading!
Take good care,
Dan
